Into This Icy Night
by SomethingSillySherlock
Summary: My mother has been hiding something from me my entire life. Something about fairytales... something about the birthmark on my arm... something about someone called the Dark One... something about a monster who calls himself Peter Pan... This strange boy promises he will turn my soul dark, but I won't let him. I will stay true to the light as I venture into this icy night.
1. Chapter 1

Without a shadow of a doubt it was the coldest night I had ever known.

I paused under the streetlight.

Snow tumbled down in small flakes.

The entire world was silent.

I was all alone.

I looked up at the sky, seeing the stars in between the drifting clouds.

Or maybe the stars were drifting?

There was one star that was drifting. In and out of the clouds, misty silver light raining down to earth.

I bit my lip, tasting metallic blood. But I didn't feel it. My lips were half-frozen, numb.

Then I wished upon a star.

My mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

A dark shadow appeared, eyes full of terrifying light.

I closed my eyes.

If this was real I could not fight it.

If this was not real I was slowly losing my mind.

Cold encircled my wrist. The shadow's hand.

We rose upward into the night sky, the snowflakes stinging my cheeks.

Straight towards that star.

The brightest one.

The one I should never have wished on.

But I had, standing on a dusty street corner in the brazen light of a streetlamp.

And now there was no going back.

I let out a small breath of air.

Goodbye, world.


	3. Chapter 3

Screaming. It may have been me.

This was not earth.

It was darker.

Enchanting.

The air tasted like ashes on my lips. Bitter but so lovely.

The shadow released me, letting me fall crashing to the ground.

There was cold air, rushing past in a tidal wave.

Then sharp pain, twisting my body in half.

I shrieked, a sharp, staccato note. There was no response.

In this new world, nothing cared.

Raising my head carefully, I looked up.

Straight into the coldest pair of eyes I had ever seen.

Blue gray.

Icy slick.

Sharp like a dagger.

"Hello," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

I stared at him, my voice freezing in my throat.

Because what question was there?

Too many.

"I am Peter Pan," he answered my first question.

"This is Neverland," he said. Second question gone.

"Who are you?" Pan asked.

I laid my head back down on the cold sand.

I did not know the answer to that question.

That was my third question, balancing precariously on a cliff.

Soon or later it would have to fall.

Then I would have to answer my question.

But not today.

"I don't know," I told Pan. He smiled.

"That is good," Pan replied.


	5. Chapter 5

Pan grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.

He smiled.

I frowned.

His eyes bothered me. He was smiling, but his eyes were not.

Pan did not let go of my hand.

He led me toward the thick jungle.

I did not want to go in there.

There were more shadows than light in those trees.

A thousand nightmares lurking.

"Not in there," I told Pan. "Please not in there."

He looked at me.

"That is where I live," Pan said.

Then I knew.

Pan was a creature of the shadows.

For who else could live among nightmares but a demon?


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on," Pan said. "I do not bite."

Liar, liar, liar.

I wanted to scream it.

Liar, liar.

Eyes colder than ice but words on fire.

But I did not scream.

"Okay," I said. "I trust you."

Pan led the twisting way into the jungle.

I had been right.

More shadows than light.

Dark, dark things dancing on the edges of my vision.

Every time I turned to see it, nothing was there.

But I knew something was there.

Pan did too.

But it did not bother him. He liked the darkness, I could see it in the tilt of his chin and the curl of his smirk.

We stopped, Pan not letting of my hand and me too afraid to let go and spin off into the darkness. So we both clutched at each other's hand.

"Here we are," Pan said. "Camp."


	7. Chapter 7

They all looked starving.

Feral.

Matted hair.

Curled back lips in wide sneers.

Hungry dreams of darkness swirling in their minds.

"The Lost Boys!" Pan proclaimed, sweeping his arm out grandly.

The Lost Boys.

Yes.

They looked lost.

"It has a ring to it," I said dully. Pan looked at me oddly.

"That's what I always say," Pan said.

"Well, I said it first," I replied.

Still not letting go of his hand. Too afraid.

The Lost Boys dancing around a fire.

Well, not dancing.

Dancing implies beauty.

This was anything but beautiful.

Savage motions, chanted words, gasping breaths, and painted faces.

"Dance with them," Pan ordered.

"Only if you dance too," I replied. He smirked.


	8. Chapter 8

Pan danced.

Not like the other boys, but savage in a different way.

His dance was savage in its gracefulness.

He raised an eyebrow and I raised one back.

I laughed despite myself. Pan grinned, twirling me along with him as he danced.

As _we_ danced.

The Lost Boys howled their approval, forming a ring around us.

I glanced at them nervously, but they kept dancing in a circle.

But instead of dancing around the fire, they were dancing around Pan and me.

Because I was the fire.

Pan and I were the fire in their veins.

They chanted, circling like so many hunters.

Pan and I spun with dark poise in our separate universe.

The ring of Lost Boys began to close in.


	9. Chapter 9

The circle of Lost Boys grew smaller, pushing me and Pan closer together.

I did not care.

I was too far gone to care.

The ring pressed closer until there was no room for me and Pan to dance.

We could only stand in place.

I looked up at Pan's face.

He grinned at me.

"Scared of an adventure?" Pan asked.

"Never," I replied.

He leaned forward suddenly, and my lips grazed his. Just a touch of heat, just a touch of fire.

Pan lingered for a moment, not touching just leaning his face close to mine. Then he pulled away.

The Lost Boys cheered.

I still did not know who I was.


	10. Chapter 10

One boy stood to the side.

Just watching.

Arms crossed.

Face closed off under his brown hood, blond bangs, and thin red scar.

Eyes steel gray.

Just watching.

I saw him over Pan's shoulder. Pan saw my gaze shift.

Pan turned around.

"Felix!" he called out to the boy. "Join the fun."

"Not my kind of fun," Felix replied.

Pan turned back to me.

"This is everyone's kind of fun," Pan whispered in my ear. "Welcome to Neverland."

The Lost Boys began to disperse, no longer caught up in their wild dance.

"So, what is your kind of fun?" Pan asked.


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't even know my name," I said.

Well, I did know my name.

But Pan... I did not trust him.

Even after the glorious dance.

Even after a kiss.

It was just a kiss.

"You are lying," Pan snarled.

And his eyes were dark, just like the shadows in the trees. Just like the nightmare that makes you sob into your pillow. The kind you never quite wake up from.

A nightmare in his eyes.

"I want to go home," I told him. Pan grinned at me.

"What home?" he asked.

What home?

He was right.

What home did I have?


	12. Chapter 12

"Tell me your name," Pan ordered. I lifted my chin.

"I have no name," I replied. He raised an eyebrow.

"Everyone has a name," Pan said.

"Well..." I hesitated. "Not me."

"Then I will give you a name," he said.

"Okay," I said.

And he gave me a name.

Wendy Darling.

He called me Wendy Darling.

Said he liked the name. Always had.

I wanted to ask if there was another Wendy Darling, a girl whose name was actually Wendy.

I did not ask not.

I suffered in the silence.

I refused to tell Pan that my name was Penny.

Penny Pam.


	13. Chapter 13

When I was a little girl, too little to walk to the window and wish my life was my own, when my dreams were still fresh and my eyes still held hope, my mother told me a story.

"When you are eighteen years of age, a boy will come and take you to Neverland," Mother said. "You will have a glorious time! Dancing by the fire..."

Her eyes shone with memories.

Or at least I thought they were memories.

They were tears.

"But you mustn't trust him," Mother said. "He has a black soul."

"Okay, Mama," I said. "I promise."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter and the previous chapter are flashbacks. From now on, if you see f/b at the beginning of a chapter, it means it is a flashback.**

"The boy I couldn't trust," I turned to Mother. "You said his name was Peter Pan?"

"Peter Pan," Mother said slowly. I couldn't see her face because she was brushing my hair.

Smooth, even strokes that chased the nightmares away as we sat by the fire.

"Just like my name," I chuckled.

"Yes," Mama replied. "Just like your name, Penny."

She cursed as the brush tangled in my hair.

I yelped, my hands flying up to cradle my stinging scalp, my ears ringing in shock.

Mother was swearing.

Curse words.

She never used those.

"Mama, are you mad?" I asked.

"Not at you, my darling," she replied, kissing my scalp gently to soothe the pain.

"Never at you."


	15. Chapter 15

**f/b **

"You named the child after _him_?" Papa demanded, tossing down the empty bowl angrily.

It landed on the table with a wooden clatter.

I watched it stutter to a standstill.

Pap was very mad.

Why was he mad? I didn't understand.

"You know what the Seer said," Mama replied, her voice firm. "You know of their destiny."

"It doesn't mean we have to embrace it with open arms," Papa argued.

I shrank lower into my chair.

I didn't like Mama and Papa fighting.

It scared me.

"She has the mark," Mama said. "Her destiny is entwined with his. There is no separating them."

"She is our daughter," Papa growled.

"No, she isn't," Mama said with cold eyes. "Not really."

What did they mean, not their daughter?

How was I marked?

Who was this "him" they were so scared of?

None of it made sense to my young ears.

Papa left that night.

I never saw him again.


	16. Chapter 16

**f/b**

"Why do you always tip-toe around me?" I asked Mother as she locked the window to my bedroom.

"Hmm, darling?" Mother said. "Did you say something?"

"You always treat me like I'm made of glass," I said. "Which was fine. When I was six. I'm almost eighteen."

Mother's face turned pale and she sank down, clutching the wall for support.

"Are you all right?" I asked anxiously.

"Almost time," Mother murmured.

Her eyes slid to me, eerie blue lanterns.

Time for what? I asked silently.

Time for what?

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Goes the clock.

It was a nursery rhyme Mother sang to me once.

It echoed through me now, seeming to make perfect sense in the moment.

"Remember the song I used to sing you," Mother said as if reading my thoughts.


	17. Chapter 17

After I did not tell Pan my name, I sat down on a log.

He sat down on a log on the opposite side of the fire.

And just looked at me.

Cold eyes.

I shuddered inwardly. Not outwardly, though.

I bent forward slightly, resting my chin on my hand, propping my elbow up on my knee.

Leaning as if to take off at any moment.

Pan mimicked my movement, smirking at me.

I stared at him, not blinking, and he returned the gesture.

"Staring contest?" I murmured.

As if he could my words from across the clearing, Pan's grin widened.

_Let's play,_ he mouthed back to me.

"Anyone care for a lullaby?" Pan asked.


	18. Chapter 18

The effect was immediate.

The Lost Boys sat down on the age-old ground, their feet drawing sandy circles in dirt walked in for hundreds of years by boys their own age.

A history in the dust.

Pan raised his panpipes to his lips, eyes flicking around the group, seeking something. I did not know what.

Until I heard the pipes.

Then I knew what Pan was looking for.

Sorrow.

The first was a seven-year-old.

Red hair.

Ashy green eyes.

Freckles like spots of mud.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Heavy gray tears, cold like November wind.

But he was only the first.

They cried one by one.

None of them holding back.

Not even Felix.

He cried too, silently, hood up, overhanging bangs locking everyone else out of his emotions.

Until it was only me and Pan who were not weeping.

Back to the staring contest. Daring each other to let the tears flood.

The pipe was haunting. A nightmare come true.

It smelled like the sea breeze when you are lost at sea. It tasted like the smoke of a candle going out. It sounded like soft tears you struggle to hide.

It sounded like being lost.

It sounded how Pan's eyes looked.

Then I noticed. A tear, slipping down Pan's cheek.

I smiled, victorious, because he had broken first.

Pan had cried first.

Then I tasted salty on my lips.

I raised my hand, touching my mouth and inspecting my fingertips. Tears on my fingers.

Pan hadn't broken first.

We had cried at the same time.

Pan lowered the pipes.

"Good night," he said.


	19. Chapter 19

"Tick tock," I sang softly as I lay in the shadow of the twisted tree.

Lost Boys were scattered across the clearing like the sprinkling of stars across the strange, deep-purple Neverland sky.

We all laid on our backs.

Watching the stars sing.

Singing so much sweeter than the stars at home.

Swirling in a haunting paradox.

"Tick tock," I hummed very, very quietly, not wanting to wake the sky from its slumber. The stars were ever so lovely. Better then the sun.

Just like Neverland was better than earth.

Darker.

Enchanting.

Ensnaring.

"Tick tock," I sang. "Goes the clock. Time will wash you away. Even if you fly. Wingless to Neverland. Destiny of the sweetest poison. Away to Neverland. To darkness, bring moonlight. A candlelight clear, flicker in the darkness. To burn the darkness or to cast the shadows."

Pan was the only one not laying down.

He leaned against a tree on the other side of the fire, staring into the flames.

Blue eyes reflecting the light and turning to gold. At peace.

But as I sang, he whipped his head up.

"What did you say?" he hissed.


	20. Chapter 20

"Give me your arm," Pan ordered, stepping around the campfire.

Shadows flickered across his face, tiger-stripes of darkness.

"I do not think I will," I replied, slowly getting to my feet.

Better to face him standing.

"That is not a good answer," Pan chided.

He snatched for my arm, twisting it the wrong way, and pain flared in my shoulder.

Weak, whimpering cries bubbled at my lips as I stood helplessly, bent over by the strange angle of my arm.

Strands of hair hung in my eyes, slipping against the air like limp clouds of mist.

All I could see was the fire as Pan shoved the long sleeve of my shirt up to my shoulder, inspecting my arm meticulously.

"I see," he murmured, his fingers tracing the mark on my skin, the one I had been born with.

"You are marked."


	21. Chapter 21

**f/b **

**a week before Penny's 18th birthday**

"Mother?" I asked.

We were sitting on the long grass of the meadow, drenched in sunlight and the smell of wildflowers.

The sky was pale, pale blue.

Winter sky.

But it was Spring.

Odd.

"Yes, dear?" Mother replied.

"Remember my birthmark? The one on my arm?" I said. Mother's warm smile turned glassy.

"Yes, dear," she repeated. It was an echo, a shadow. She wanted to say something that she was not saying.

I could tell.

I could always tell about people.

"It is different," I continued. "My birthmark, it is changing. It used to be pink, barely noticeable against my skin. Now it is black."

"W-what?" Mother stammered, bending closer to look at my arm.

And she saw it was black.

The strange birthmark, in the shape of two diamond-like stars.

The one on the right slightly bigger.

Now it was black.

And none of the pink color remained.


	22. Chapter 22

"Don't you know?" I asked Pan.

He slowly released my arm, and I straightened, staring into his eyes.

"The two stars," I said. "It is a symbol."

"A symbol of what?" Pan asked harshly.

He did not like not knowing something.

He was the type who prided himself on knowing everything.

Except.

Except he didn't.

"A symbol of breaking the curse of darkness," I replied. "Or a symbol of making darkness last forever."

Pan leaned in close, his breath cold, tickling my hair.

"I will ask you once more," he whispered. "What is your name?"

I looked at him.

"Not telling," I whispered.

Pan's eyes darkened, and he came so close our noses were almost touching.

Then I felt his hands wrap around my neck.

Softly, gently, carrying the threat of death.

He wrapped his hands around my neck like a suffocating blanket.

I gasped as he squeezed slightly.

"Answer me," Pan ordered.

"Penny," I told him.

"Penny what?" he asked.

"Does it matter?" I asked pleadingly, my eyes begging for mercy.

Pan put a bit more pressure on my throat, and I choked for air.

"I don't know," Pan said. "Does your life matter?"

"Penny," I choked out. "Penny Pam."


	23. Chapter 23

**a long time ago on Earth, in the country**

The lady walked in with a baby girl in her arms, a little girl swaddled in fine green cloth, cloth so fine it could have been silk.

But it was not silk.

It was so much more precious.

"Where did you get that child?" the lady's husband asked.

The lady looked up at him, a sweet, sweet smile on her lips.

"It needed a home," she explained softly.

"But that's not all, is it?" the man queried. "You're hiding something."

The lady bit her lip, looking down at the baby girl again. She fingered the fine emerald cloth the baby was wrapped in, lingering over the small note attached.

The man followed the path of her fingers and leaned over, snatching the note from the bundle.

The lady let out a small cry, flinging her arm out as if to stop her husband from stealing the words away. But she quickly pulled her arm back.

The man read the note quickly; it was short and to the point. But not sweet.

"You got the child from _him_?" he growled. "The baby has to go. Now. We must get rid of it before it is too late."

"No," the lady said defiantly, raising her chin. "Rumpelstiltskin is many things, but he is not a deal-breaker."

"What did you trade for the child?" the man asked, dangerously quiet.

"Her life," the woman answered in a small voice. "The girl was formed of pure magic, so on her twentieth birthday she shall return to magic."

"So what, she'll dissolve into fairy dust?" the man asked.

"I do not know," the lady answered.

"We will have to make another deal, then. We can't raise the child only to have her die like a pig led to slaughter," the man protested, his voice steadily rising.

"We cannot make another deal. Rumpelstiltskin would never agree," the lady said. "She is directly made of his magic. As long as she is alive, he is not as powerful. She is made of the lightest and darkest of all magic. He will be wanting his magic back after the promised twenty years."

"Then we'll have to make another deal, with someone else," the man said.

"Who?" asked the lady. "Who would dare defy the Dark One?"

Neither had an answer.

But somewhere in the icy night, there was a person who would defy the Dark One.

Someone who was even darker.


	24. Chapter 24

**a long time ago on Earth, in the country**

"Where is he?" the lady hissed nervously. "He said he would be here."

The shadows danced in the frozen winter ground, reflecting a thousand shades of darkness in the lady's eyes as she clutched the hand of her husband, cradling the baby girl with one arm.

"Oh, I'm here," Pan said, stepping out of the swaying shadows.

His eyes looked almost colorless in the moonlight, but they had lost none of their icy coldness.

"You know what we have come here for," the man began.

"Of course I do," Pan said."You want me to help you break a deal with the Dark One."

"Please," the lady begged. "Protect our child."

"I don't just offer my services for free," Pan laughed mirthlessly. "If you want me to help break your deal, it will cost you something."

"What?" the lady asked desperately. "We'll give you anything."

"Her," Pan's eyes fell on the baby. "On her eighteenth birthday."

"We came here to save our daughter, not to let someone besides the Dark One kill her," the man said angrily, stepping protectively in front of his wife and his adopted child.

"You misunderstand me," Pan smiled deviously. "I don't want to kill the child on her eighteenth birthday. On that day, she will simply become mine. My property."

The woman gasped, choking on a sob and turning to her husband, burying her head in his sleeve as tears trickled down her half-frozen cheeks.

"Take it or leave it," Pan shrugged. "It is better than death."

"Deal," the man said.

Pan grinned before vanishing without a trace.

And for eighteen years the child grew up not knowing the truth.

But her adopted parents never forgot.

Her name, Penny Pam, had been part of their deal with Pan.

They had been forced to name her that.

Every day, every time they uttered their own daughter's name, it was a painful blow, a sliver of glass cutting deeper into the soft muscle of their hearts.

A cruel reminder.

But over the painful years of stepping lightly, trying oh-so-carefully not to break down and weep, not admit to the truth in front of Penny, the day came.

In fact, it was the day before her eighteenth birthday that Pan's shadow came for Penny.

Because she did something that no one, not even Pan, could have predicted.

Penny Pam asked for the shadow to take her away.

She asked to go to Neverland the very day before her eighteenth birthday.

The little girl surprised the demons lurking in Neverland.

As she ran into the dark, icy night with open arms.

_Take me to Neverland._


	25. Chapter 25

"It's you," Pan whispered. "You're the one. The one between good and evil. The one who connects them."

"Excuse me," I said. "But I refuse to be a bridge."

He did not like that.

Pan really did not like that.

I could tell.

His eyes flashed darkly.

How can there be a flash of darkness?

But somehow there was.

His eyes lit up with darkness.

"But you are leaning towards the darkness instead of the light," Pan observed, bent over my arm. "It is turning black, you see."

The black mark.

It had been light, once.

And now it was dark.


	26. Chapter 26

"But I choose good, not evil," I protested, pulling my arm back from Pan's cold fingers.

I chose good.

Good over evil.

Right?

"The mark does not lie," Pan chuckled. "Rumpelstiltskin himself marked you when he created you. You, made of the purest magic and the darkest magic."

"What do you, when he created me?" I said. "My mother and father-"

"Are not actually related to you," Pan said, smirking smugly. "Haven't you ever felt that something inside you was missing?"

I shivered.

Because he was right.

And that was why I had left.

Why I had asked to escape my life.

Why I had asked the shadow to take me away.

Because I felt hollow on the inside.

And when I looked into the mirror, my eyes showed it.

I looked empty.

A hollow girl.


	27. Chapter 27

**f/b **

"Sing for me, Penny dear," Father prompted.

His eyes glowed at me.

I loved to sing, and he said I sounded just like a bird.

A song-bird, its melody copper-bright, darting among the swirling clouds of leaves.

Penny, Penny, Penny.

"Tick Tock," I sang sweetly. "Goes the clock. Time will wash you away. Even if you fly. Wingless to Neverland. Destiny of the sweetest poison. Away to Neverland. To darkness, bring moonlight. A candlelight clear, flicker in the darkness. To burn the darkness or to cast the shadows."

Father stared at me with horrified eyes.

"Where did you hear that song?" he asked swiftly.

"I d-d-don't know, F-father," I stammered, wringing my tiny, pale hands together anxiously.

"You must never sing that song again," Father told me. "Do you understand?"

No.

I did not understand.

But I was small, and my raven-dark eyes were wide with fear.

Fear of disappointing Papa.

"Yes, I understand, Papa," I said softly.

"Good girl," he said, ruffling my hair.


	28. Chapter 28

**f/b **

**a long time ago on Earth, in the country**

I heard them talking.

Not just talking.

Talking about me.

Mother and Father, lights on in the kitchen late at night.

Kitchen smelling like coffee and winter night.

Mother in her nightgown.

Father still in his working jeans.

I shivered on the staircase, my face bathed in the pale light that filtered down the hallway from the kitchen.

Fluorescent light that widened shadows, stretching them into gaping chasms.

I heard every word.

"Did you teach her that song?" Father asked angrily.

"She should know the truth," Mother said.

"That song was coined by- by- by the Pied Piper himself. It is his signature, his music for the Lost Ones," Father stuttered out the name.

Who was this Pied Piper?

By the way Father said his name, I did not want to know.

But "Pied Piper" had the same initials as "Penny Pam".

Funny.

"You can say his real name," Mother replied wearily. "His name is Peter Pan."

"Do not say it!" Father hissed. "He knows where we are. It will not matter how many times we move to a new house. He knows she is not our daughter. He knows who she really is."

That was it.

I stepped out into the kitchen, fists clenched, jaw set.

I looked at my so-called parents, and they fell silent suddenly, without grace.

"What do you mean, not your child?" I snapped. "Who is Peter Pan and why is his after me? Why can't I sing that song?"

Mother stared at me, her mouth open slightly.

Father stared at me with soft, sad yes.

Blue eyes, even though his eyes were brown. They looked blue.

Blue like the sea.

Blue like going away.

Blue like never coming home.

"When were you going to tell me all this?" I demanded.

No answer.

That night, I ran away.

I was fourteen years old at the time.

It was the first time I ran away, but it would not be the last.

When I returned home the next morning with red-rimmed eyes, there were no words that passed between us.

It was a gray morning, dreary and cloudy and devoid of all life.

I felt the gray desolation in my heart.

I took a handful of the emptiness and stuffed it into my soul, to keep for eternity.

That morning, when I looked in the mirror, my eyes were hollow.

And so was my heart.

They never did explain who Peter Pan was.

And I never asked again.


	29. Chapter 29

**f/b **

**the night before Penny's 18th birthday **

It was a dark and stormy night.

What a cliché.

But it was dark and stormy, with no room for sunlight and only rain rain rain coming down like the tears of shadows.

Mother was out late that night, working.

Always, always working.

She was so empty those days, with sad eyes that reminded me of myself.

It was not a good life.

Father had left a few years ago, and we could not pay the bills of the house.

We moved out, to a smaller house.

Smaller smaller smaller.

Always smaller.

A new apartment, dingier than the last and not new at all in my opinion.

Every temporary home, every lost-and-found of misfits looked the same to weary hearts.

And my heart was so, so weary.

Late at night the air cooled and the rain turned to snow.

Flakes drifting down in the air.

I went for a walk.

I felt lost under the streetlights, crushed by the stares of passerby who asked _did you see that girl?_ and _what rags was she wearing?_ and _poor little thing_.

The sympathy and disgust was suffocating.

I kept walking.

Soon enough Mother would not be able to afford my schooling.

And then what?

What then?

Would they take me away from her?

No. I would sooner die.

I needed to get away from the constant pain, sharp pain that was always there, so it had almost turned into a dull ache. But it was still too sharp to bear.

And that was the night I wished upon a star.


	30. Chapter 30

"Would you like to play a game, _Penny_?" Pan asked, spitting out my name with obvious sadistic pleasure.

"I don't want to build a snowman, if that's what you are asking," I replied.

"Oh, this has nothing to do with snowmen," Pan murmured. "This is about testing your belief."

"My belief?" I said skeptically.

"You say you choose good over evil. Prove it," Pan said.

"How could I possibly do that?" I asked.

"Let me explain the rules of the game to you," Pan's face carved into a dark smile.

"I don't like rules," I told him flatly. "I make my own."

"Not this time," Pan hissed.

It was time to play.


	31. Chapter 31

And then Pan vanished.

And the Lost Boys vanished.

And the camp vanished.

That was when I realized that I was the one who had vanished.

Pan had somehow teleported me away from the camp.

Where was I now?

I looked around.

Dark jungle.

Shadows filtering through the leaves.

Strange whispers in the trees, rustling sounds I could not find the source of.

It could have been anywhere in Neverland.

My breath seemed strangely loud in the still air, harsh gasps grating against the faint breeze.

Nothing was alive here except me.

And the trees.

But even they did not seem alive.

And the silence was all-powerful.

Until there was a slight thud above my head. I looked up.

Pan was there, crouching lightly on a tree branch.

"Let the games begin," Pan said.

"I have to warn you, I always win," I told him. Pan's smirk flickered slightly.

"That's my line," he growled. I smiled sweetly.

"Well," I said. "It is mine now."


	32. Chapter 32

Pan recovered from my words with a slow, spreading smile.

Spreading like poison.

"You cannot win this time," he chuckled.

"We shall see," I answered curtly.

The air rippled.

A strange wind sighed through the branches.

Pan was gone.

With nothing else left to me, I began to walk.

On and on through the wilderness that whispered darkly.

Until I came to a small pool of crystal-blue water.

I knelt down beside it to drink.

But I did not drink for a long time.

I stared at my reflection in the water.

My hollow eyes.

Still empty.

Always empty.

Then I heard a piercing scream.


	33. Chapter 33

I shot to my feet and started running.

Someone was screaming for help.

And it did not matter who it was.

I was going to help them.

The screaming went on, dragging at my heart and scraping my ears with icy claws.

I was getting closer.

Then the trees thinned out.

I burst into a clearing that was cloaked in moonlight.

And in the center of the clearing was a boy.

A Lost Boy, no doubt, but still.

Just a boy.

He was covered in blood, crimson that looked almost black, coating his tunic like oil.

And I recognized him.

It was Felix.


	34. Chapter 34

Felix's eyes were like glass.

He wasn't dead, but almost.

Did Pan do this?

Of course. Who else would?

I could feel the anger boiling under my skin.

Pan would pay for this.

Every warning my Mother had told me was true.

Why had I never listened to her?

I had thought she was telling me fairytales.

I wished Pan was only a story.

Stories did not kiss you and burn down your defenses.

But Pan did.

He knew who I was because he had burned down everything I pretended to be.

And I hated him for it.

_Should I help Felix? _

Pan was testing my resolve to do the right thing. So I had to do the right thing. Even if it meant saving the life of Pan's right-hand man.

I knelt down beside Felix.

"You live in Neverland," I said to Felix. "Where do we get help?"


	35. Chapter 35

Felix moaned but he could not speak.

His eyes were delirious from the pain.

And Pan had done this.

He was a monster.

"Fine," I told myself. "Boy bleeding to death in the middle of the woods. I can handle this."

What to do?

Oh, right. I had to stop the bleeding.

I ran to the edge of the clearing, searching among the trees for what I needed.

"Please don't leave," Felix coughed weakly.

So he could speak after all.

Just not well.

"Don't worry," I called out. "I won't leave you here. I'm not like Pan."

There. Hanging in one of the trees was a thick swath of some type of moss.

I grabbed a huge fistful and ran back to Felix.

I pressed it down onto his chest, the moss nearly sliding off because of the slick blood.

So much blood.

Too much.

Felix was dying.


	36. Chapter 36

"It's not working," I hissed, frantically piling more moss onto Felix.

I turned to Felix, my face pale and desperate in the moonlight.

"Please," I said. "There must be somewhere we can find help. Surely someone will help you?"

"One person," Felix coughed.

"Who?" I asked eagerly.

Felix looked at me with eyes that were as cold and serious as a graveyard.

"Pan," he said simply. Then Felix hissed in pain, clenching his teeth tightly.

Pan.

Of course.

Only Pan could heal Felix.

But then I would have to ask Pan for help.

If I didn't, Felix would die and Pan would win.

If I did, Pan would never heal Felix as a gesture of good will.

He would want something in return. Pan would probably ask for my surrender.

And he would win.

Either way I would lose.

Pan had planned this, all of it.

The only question remaining was which choice would be playing straight into Pan's hands.

And which choice would he never expect.

If he didn't expect my decision, I still had a chance at winning.

I had a choice to make.


	37. Chapter 37

I had to find a way to beat Pan at his own game.

To help Felix without asking for Pan's help.

I looked up at the stars, struggling to calm my whirring mind.

And as I looked up... I saw it.

The mountain, tall and jagged.

Looming silently over the forest like an enormous guardian.

According to my Mother's stories, this was Dead Man's Peak.

If the tale was true, there was water at the top that would save Felix.

I looked at Felix, then up at the mountain.

Could I make it in time to get Felix the water?

He was close to death.

I would have to be fast.

I got to my feet and started running.


	38. Chapter 38

Up the hill.

My bare feet leaving trails of blood on sharp rocks.

I scrambled for handholds, cursing as a rock gave way beneath my left foot.

I slipped down an inch.

Just an inch, and then my arms tightened and I caught myself.

But I was straining, and I fumbled for a new place to put my foot.

If I did not find one, I would fall.

I could not afford to fall.

I would be gravely injured.

And Felix would be as good as dead.

"Need some help there?" an amused voice asked from above me.

My head shot up, and my eyes trained on the figure at the top of the mountain.

It was Pan.

Naturally.

He always popped in at the most inconvenient times.

"Not your help," I replied, shrieking as my right foot also gave way.

I was dangling by only my arms, a dizzying distance off the ground.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: I know nobody likes author's notes, so I'll make it quick. This is a big shout-out to Lady of the Witty, who has reviewed almost every single chapter. Thank you so much! Also, thanks to everyone who has favorited/followed this story. You have no idea how much it means to me. Happy Easter, if you guys celebrate it! **

"Oh, yes. I can obviously see you are in no need of my assistance," Pan said sarcastically, pacing back and forth on the cliff top. His boot dislodged a pebble, which fell, hitting me squarely on the head.

I gritted my teeth, still desperately searching for a place to put my foot.

My arms were shaking.

How much longer could I hold on?

Not long.

"Felix is dying and you don't even care?" I hissed at him.

"Not particularly," Pan replied, crouching by the edge of the mountain and peering down at me curiously. "Arms getting tired there, Penny?"

"You wish," I spat.

Then I could not hold on any longer.

My arms gave out.

Cool air rushed past me as I started to fall.


	40. Chapter 40

I wanted to scream as I fell.

Fell down, down, down, the world rippling below in green-black waves.

Shadows and jungle.

I wanted to scream.

It was instinct.

But I couldn't.

Not in front of Pan.

And all I could think of with the ground rushing up towards me was that I had failed.

I had failed.

The sound of Pan's laughter trickled down to me through the sound of roaring wind.

"Just say the word and I'll help you," he yelled.

"No," I whispered to myself. "I don't need his help. I believe in myself."

And suddenly I wasn't falling.


	41. Chapter 41

I was hovering gently in the air, a few feet off the ground.

I looked down cautiously.

Then I looked up. At Pan.

I was far away, but I could still see the confusion written plainly on his face.

This wasn't Pan.

Then I heard a gasp from below me, and I started to fall once again, but this time in slow, stuttering millimeters, as if someone was trying to stop me from falling.

The moment my feet touched ground, Felix groaned.

His arm had been raised, and now he let it drop.

And then I understood.

Felix had magic.

He had saved me.


	42. Chapter 42

I knelt down next to Felix, clasping his hand.

"You saved my life," I told him. "Thank you."

Felix just nodded, his breath shallow.

"Interesting," Pan commented, appearing on the other side of the Lost Boy. "Magic? You? I never would have suspected it."

I glared at him, but decided not to waste my attention on Pan. I turned back to Felix, trying to soothe him.

"It will be okay," I said.

"Actually," Pan smirked. "No he won't."

Oh. I had not gotten the water. What was there left to do?

I looked over my shoulder at Pan.

"Please help him," I begged.

Pan grinned darkly.

I had lost the game.


	43. Chapter 43

"All magic comes with a price," said Pan.

The words sounded like awkward metal in his mouth.

Clanging and hollow, vowels too clipped and consonants stretched unnaturally.

Like he was quoting someone else.

And the words did not belong to him.

"Name your price," I said with determination.

Whatever it was, I would pay it.

I was a good person.

I was.

I was not like Pan, even if I was named after him.

Even if he claimed we were the same.

We were not.

"My price..." Pan said thoughtfully, finger drumming on the bark of a tree.

"Tell me already," I growled.

"My price is you."


	44. Chapter 44

I folded my arms.

"What does that mean?" I asked calmly.

Pan raised one eyebrow in surprise.

As if the answer was obvious, something even a blind person could easily see.

"It means," Pan answered condescendingly. "That I save Felix. And you promise never to try to leave Neverland."

"And just how do you propose to stop me from trying," I scoffed.

I should not have asked.

Pan's eyes darkened, looking dark and icy.

A lonely November night cloaked in shadows and the gray death of Autumn.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to," Pan growled.

"But I want the answer," I said, shifting from foot to foot.

Felix was dying fast, flickering like a candle in a hurricane.

"The water, Penny," Pan told me, smiling darkly.

The promise of nightmares to come glinting in his eyes.

Of course.

He would make me drink the water.


	45. Chapter 45

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll do it. I'll drink the water."

Pan's eyes flashed like blue-gray lightning.

Eerie.

Like moonlight on lake water.

There was a ripple of air and he vanished.

Only to reappear a mere moment later, grasping a flask of clear liquid.

Pan offered it to me with a slight bow of his head, a mocking gesture of respect.

I grabbed the flask without ceremony.

"Cheers," I told him dryly, raising the flask in a toast.

"Cheers," Pan echoed.

I tilted my head back and let the water trickle down my throat.

It was sweet, sweeter than anything I had ever tasted.

Clean and fresh, strangely minty, with the tang of burning wood and spice.

Water that tasted like fire in my mouth and seared through my skin.

Echoing throughout my blood with the carefree spirit of Neverland's wilderness.

Neverland was claiming me.

I distantly felt my legs buckle beneath me as the world bled to black.


	46. Chapter 46

The world swam into focus little by little, a blur of indistinct light.

I was lying on my side.

But not where I had fallen.

I was no longer in the dark clearing by Dead Man's Peak.

I was... here.

Back at the camp.

As if nothing had changed.

But everything had.

I slowly sat up, looking around. Nothing here but fire and Lost Boys.

Lost Boys and fire and sharp edges and crooked smiles and pointed lies and deep shadows and hidden places for monsters to hide and cruelty concealed under a mask of friendliness.

Then there were two arms around me.

One around my waist.

The other stroking my hair.

I stood up, pulling away.

Pan shook his head disapprovingly.

"Remember your promise, _Penny Pam_," he snarled at me.

I sat back down, slowly, warily.

His hands played with my hair again, a cold touch.

"Good girl," he murmured.

I reminded myself that I had saved Felix.


	47. Chapter 47

An hour passed.

I thought it was an hour.

Then, Pan grew tired of playing with me.

He just vanished.

Without a word, without a trace.

I rose to my feet and wandered around camp like a ghost.

Touching a log, a branch, a rock, but never lingering.

Not for long.

Always moving.

The boys paid me no mind.

Nothing cared, and the emptiness of it, the sense of being lost pierced me.

There was nothing for me back home, but at least it was a home.

Neverland could never be even that.

It couldn't even support the label, the loosest definition.

Thoughts of home trailed through my head for hours on end.

Till someone was standing in my way, preventing me from continuing my erratic drifting through the camp.

Arms crossed, hood up, twig between his teeth, dirty bangs, gray eyes.

Felix.

"Yes?" I said softly, fingering the soft leaf of a fern.

Felix silently handed me a sword.

I looked at the sword quizzically, then back at Felix, the question written on my face.

He shrugged.

"You look like you need to stab something," Felix explained tonelessly.

"Therapy," I remarked with a slight smile.

"Of a sort," he replied.

"Thanks," I said.

Felix shrugged again, then raised his own sword.

"Ready?" he said.


	48. Chapter 48

I attacked first.

Felix was slightly surprised, a flicker in his emotionless eyes.

But he jumped back easily, swinging his blade sideways, the sword ducking under the high arc of mine.

My turn to jump back, silently berating myself for raising my guard too high.

Felix's sword seemed to dance in the air like a living, breathing creature. He flicked his wrist in the opposite direction with easy grace, reversing the motion of his slice before I could even blink.

I hissed as the stinging tip of his blade grazed my cheek, leaving a thin, bloody trail.

A mark so close, almost identical, to Felix's scar.

I wonder if he did it on purpose, to mark me.

Perhaps.

Impossible to tell.

I steadied myself, catching my balance , bouncing lightly on my heels, dancing away from Felix's next blow.

Considering dealing out another slice, I hesitated too long.

Felix pressed forward, taking advantage of my indecision.

Shoving me back against a tree, his sword at my throat.

I sighed heavily.

Then I heard a new voice.

"Well, isn't this interesting."


	49. Chapter 49

"Stand down, Felix," Pan ordered.

The Lost Boy obeyed instantly, stepping backwards and looking at me with something in his eyes I couldn't quite place. Sympathy, maybe?

My attention snapped back to Pan as he brandished his own blade, holding it out as if in invitation.

I just looked at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Care to play?" he asked.

"Felix, you said I looked like I wanted to stab something," I recalled. "I think I found something to stab."

"Likewise," Pan replied courteously, bowing deeply.

"Don't just fight me," I said to him. "Teach me."

"If you wish," Pan said, eyes gleaming. "I will teach you."


	50. Chapter 50

There was no winning against Pan.

He was too fast, a blur in the corner of my vision.

Here, then there, and somehow both here and there at once.

A true demon, bending the laws of nature with dark magic.

Slashes on my arms, my legs, my face, quick little bites from Pan's blade.

A deadly dance.

I was backing up slowly, frantically raising my sword to block his.

And failing.

I backed up straight into Felix.

At a nod from Pan, Felix grabbed my arms, holding me still as Pan continued his slow approach.

"Let me go!" I yelled at Felix.

He didn't react.

"Why so afraid, Penny?" Peter said. "It's not like I would hurt you. I don't make a habit of hurting what is mine."

"Not yours," I denied in a low growl, glaring heatedly at Pan. "I have my own destiny, to save darkness or vanquish it, and your sick mind games have nothing to do with that fate."

Pan slipped a hand under my chin, forcing my head up.

Then he studied my face as I jerked against his grip, held firmly in place by Felix.

"What if I told you," Pan began quietly. "That your destiny, your fate that says you will decide the fate of darkness, has everything to do with my games?"

"Then you would be lying," I protested.

"Then you would be not believing the truth when you heard it," Pan corrected, leaning in.

And for the second time in twenty-four hours, he kissed me.

And it still tasted like fire.


	51. Chapter 51

"What is my destiny?" I asked Pan. He chuckled condescendingly.

"I really thought you would have figured it out by now," Pan smirked. "_To burn the darkness or to cast the shadows._ It's obvious, isn't it? You decide the fate of darkness."

"What does that mean?" I spat angrily.

Pan's smug grin just grew wider. His cold eyes glowed, just like the thrashing waters of the sea in a hurricane. Stormy.

"You decide the fate of darkness," Pan repeated slowly, as if I were a small child who knew nothing. "It means you decide the fate of the Dark One."


	52. Chapter 52

I touched the mark on my arm, the two stars.

Craning my head sideways, I saw that they were all black.

Dark.

Except. Except for a tiny spot of light in the center of one of the stars.

Pure light, surrounded on all sides by the darkness.

"Ah, yes," Pan smiled. "Your mark. Rumpelstiltskin branded you with it, you know. Just after your birth. It measures the purity of your soul. And it never lies. You see, your soul is as black as coal, Penny. Just like mine."

I smiled back at him, pointing at my arm.

He looked at it, his eyes narrowed.

Then he see the light spot amid the darkness.

I wasn't lost to the shadows.

Not yet.

Not ever.


	53. Chapter 53

"If I'm as dark as you are," I said smugly. "What do you call that?"

Pan's jaw clenched, his eyes dangerously dark.

I did not know why Pan wanted my soul to turn dark, but it was not for the greater good.

Of that much I was sure.

And what did Rumpelstiltskin have to do with this?

I had been told he created me from magic, pure and evil magic that granted me enormous power.

In fact, I had a large piece of the Dark One's powers inside of me.

I was formed wholly of magic.

Is that why it was my destiny to vanquish the darkness or become it?

"That," Pan growled. "Is the tiny amount of light let into your soul when you saved Felix. But think about it, Penny. You saved Felix by making a deal with me. By promising to never leave Neverland. And if you can never leave Neverland... well, it's only a matter of time before you're as lost to the darkness as I am."

I shuddered at the bleak desolation my future held.

Endless years on this island.

With Pan.

But somehow I would have to fight the darkness.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: Thank you to Lady of the Witty and klarolinefictionlover for reviewing! **

Pan vanished again, leaving me with my questions still hanging unspoken in the tense air, wavering in the corner of my vision.

He did that a lot.

Sighing heavily, I turned back to Felix.

"So do you have any idea as to what the Dark Lord means when he says he'll turn me to the dark side?" I asked him glumly.

Felix just shrugged, shifting his weight from foot to foot and twisting a twig between his teeth.

He did that a lot.

"So what now?" I asked sarcastically. "Do we make s'mores?"

Felix stared at me levelly, his face completely blank of emotion.

"There is no chocolate in Neverland," he replied before stalking off into the jungle.

For a moment I just stood there, stunned.

Was it my imagination, or did Felix actually have a sense of humor?

You could never tell with him.

Or with any boy on this bloody island.

Too bad boys made up ninety-nine percent of the population here.


	55. Chapter 55

It was late, late at night.

Far past midnight, but time on this island was unnatural.

The night might have gone on forever.

No one would have noticed.

Except me.

And Pan.

But mostly me.

I laid on a log by the edge of the clearing, the warmth of the fire washing over me in drowsy waves that reminded me of a summer day.

Except in the middle of the night.

Funny how that works.

The Lost Boys danced around the fire, chanting savagely.

Was that all they ever did?

Well, so long as they didn't bother me.

Stretched out on my back, I fiddled with a piece of grass, tying it into knots.

When all else failed, tie knots.

What a wonderful life lesson.

I had almost fallen asleep, my head fuzzy with fatigue, when a chill wind entered the clearing, rushing past the bonfire and making it flicker for a moment before it recovered, springing up again with a crackle and a roar.

Oh, goody.

The Dark Lord was here.

I sat up immediately, blinking sleep out of my eyes, but a firm hand on my stomach pushed me back down.

Of course it was Pan. Who else?

"Take it easy there, Penny," Pan smiled at me. Though it was a friendly enough grin, he somehow managed to make it look dark.

I watched him with narrow eyes as he very slowly took his hand off of my stomach, shooting me a teasing smirk. Then Pan sat down next to me.

"Come to gloat?" I asked dryly.

"Gloat?" Pan asked, eyes wide. "I'm a perfect gentleman. Why ever would I gloat?"

I didn't grace that with a reply, just continued playing with my piece of grass.

That is, until Pan plucked it from my fingers and threw it onto the ground.

"Mature," I commented sardonically, folding my hands over my stomach.

"Besides, Penny," Pan persisted, ignoring me. "What would I have to gloat about? According to you, we're both still in the game. Unless you want to admit that you've already turned dark?"

"Never," I said stonily.

Pan's smirk only grew at that, and I froze as leaned over me, pressing a soft kiss onto my forehead.

"That wasn't a denial, love," he said.

Then he vanished.

Have I mentioned that he did that a lot?


	56. Chapter 56

I must have dozed off.

Because the next thing I knew, it was morning.

My eyes shot open, and I was looking up at pale blue sky.

The air was cold, surprisingly cold for a tropical island, and my breath fogged in the air, forming little white clouds that drifted gently with the faint breeze.

Up in the sky, above the dark, clawed branches, the moon was still up and the sun was barely rising.

It wasn't long after dawn.

That was when I realized the strangest thing.

It was completely silent.

Of course, the Lost Boys were still asleep after staying up so late into the night.

But that wasn't it.

There were no birds. No sound in the forest. No rustling of fern or rushing of water.

Utter silence.

Like a graveyard.

I shivered, but blamed it on the morning chill.

Then I realized something else was odd.

Pan was sitting nearby, as if he had never left.

Stranger still, he was fast asleep.

Slumped over, his face free of its usual smirk, Pam actually looked... well, not exactly innocent, but not evil. More like harmless and mischievous.

In fact, he would have seemed completely guileless if not for the long dagger he held tightly in his left hand.

Curious, I bent closer to look at it.

It was wickedly jagged, a deadly silver sculpture engraved with black runes.

And in the center, a name.

Rumpelstiltskin.


	57. Chapter 57

Reaching forward cautiously, I pushed Pan's arm gently to the side, praying he would not wake.

Then I wrapped my hand around the cold metal hilt of the dagger, quietly pulling it away from Pan's grip. I fumbled with the weight of it.

It was much heavier than it looked.

And not just literal weight.

Shadows swirled around it, much like the shadows in Neverland's trees.

This dagger was weighed down with darkness, with the price that always came with black magic.

Yet I could not wrench my eyes away from it. And that my mistake.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not notice when Pan awoke.

Not until he reached out, wrapping his hand around mine so we were both holding the dagger's hilt at the same time.

"Resorting to thievery, love?" Pan mocked.


	58. Chapter 58

"I cannot steal from you what was never yours to begin with," I replied, my throat dry.

Because suddenly I remembered what this was.

I remembered the stories Mother had told me when I was young.

Stories of the Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin and the magical dagger that gave him great powers.

Rumpelstiltskin, the man I was destined to either destroy or join forces with.

How did Pan have his dagger?

"It has been mine for a very long time," Pan said softly.

His blue-gray eyes were cloaked in darkness.

Dangerous.

"That does not make it yours," I pointed out.

Then I lifted my chin.

Willing myself to be courageous.

"How do you have the Dark One's dagger?" I asked in a calm voice.

Much calmer than I actually felt.

Pan yanked the dagger from my grasp, still staring at me with those emotionless eyes.

"Because I no longer want Rumpelstiltskin to be the Dark One," he murmured, grinning wickedly. "I'm grooming myself a new Dark One."


	59. Chapter 59

I took a shuddering breath.

Haunting thoughts blurring in my mind.

The sunny morning no longer seemed bright.

The peaceful silence of the jungle seemed ominous.

And Pan... well, Pan was just as bad as he always was.

If not worse.

"When you said you would fill my soul with darkness..." I trailed off.

"Yes, Penny," Pan grinned at me with a dark mixture of exhilaration and amusement. "I meant it quite literally."

"I will not become the Dark One," I vowed, my hands shaking.

I could only sit there as Pan folded his hands over mine, gripping my fingers with bruising force to stop my trembling.

"I meant it when I said I will not fail," Pan told me softly. "I will turn you dark. It is only a matter of time. Think about it... Peter Pan and the Dark One together. We would be unstoppable."

"But I drank the water," I blurted out, grasping at straws, at any hole I could find in Pan's scheme. Pan's smirk only widened.

"Then we will just have to bring the Dark One here," Pan said.

Then he leaned forward, sliding his hands further down my arms until he was gripping me by the elbows, his face six inches from mine.

"And you will stab him for me," Pan murmured into my ear. I shivered as his cold breath touched my neck. "Won't you, Penny?"

"Never," I replied quietly.


	60. Chapter 60

"Well, I asked nicely," Pan said, pretending to feel sorrow for my predicament.

"Nicely isn't in your vocabulary," I argued, folding my arms so Pan was forced to let go of them.

He pulled back, but not for my sake.

No, he pulled back to calculate his next move.

Because it was all just a game to him.

Pan's personal game of chess.

And I was one of the pawns, hopping desperately from white square to black square, not knowing which was which.

Not knowing what was darkness and what was light.

"I asked you nicely," Pan growled. "But now? Well, Penny, you keep defying me. And I can't have that."

"So what are you going to do to me? Lock me in a cage?" I sneered.

"I have no intention of hurting you," Pan replied slyly. "But it's time to see how much being true to the light really matters to you."


	61. Chapter 61

"If you had to choose," Pan said, tilting his head to the side.

"If I had to choose what?" I asked flatly, staring at him with icy eyes.

He was not the only one who could give a death stare.

I was quite good at it, if I did say so myself.

"If you had to choose," Pan repeated. "Between killing the Dark One and killing an innocent. Say, an innocent _boy_. Just a child. Would you really be so selfish as to kill the boy simply because you don't want to have the power being the Dark One would give you?"

I just looked at him steadily.

Willing my voice not to quaver.

Strong as steel, I reminded myself.

Don't let him inside my head.

Even though he was constantly playing with my head, reminding me of painful memories I would rather forget.

Telling me truths I wished were lies.

"I would kill the boy," I said hollowly, my voice lacking conviction. "Because I would not fall for your tricks. Killing an innocent is awful, yes. But you see, that's exactly why I would kill the boy. If I killed Rumpelstiltskin and became the Dark One, I would kill far more innocents under your control than I ever would by killing one innocent boy."

"Oh, Penny, I'm disappointed," Pan sighed, once again pulling me to his side. "Must you think so little of me? If you were the Dark One- _my_ Dark One- I would never order you to do something you wouldn't want to do."

I studied his face with wary eyes.

Then, before I could stop myself, the words leapt out of my mouth.

"That is exactly what I am afraid of," I replied softly.

Pan's grinned widely, something besides hate and sadistic pleasure flickering in his eyes.

"And that's why I love you, Penny," Pan breathed, trailing his fingers down my arms, far too close to me.

"You're so scared of the darkness," he whispered soothingly.

His hands were clutching mine now, rubbing circles on my skin.

"You're the opposite of everything I am," Pan continued, moving to brush his lips across my cheek.

I just stood there, frozen.

Unsure.

"It's refreshing," Pan pulled back slightly, holding me at arm's length. "To see someone so untouched by darkness, yet so surrounded by it."

Love me?

Pan did not love me.

There was no way.


	62. Chapter 62

"You don't love me," I countered. "Because the only emotion you are capable of is hate."

Pan ran his tongue over his teeth, blinking lazily.

"If that makes you feel better," Pan said smoothly, laughing lightly as he stepped away.

Then, he inhaled sharply, his eyes suddenly drifting out of focus.

"Um... Pan?" I asked.

"Yes, yes," he recovered, nodding. "Someone has entered Neverland, Penny. I think we should go give them a proper welcome, don't you?"

"No," I said firmly.

Pan watched me with something akin to fascination.

"There's that beautiful defiance again," he said. "I apologize. We don't have time for those games right now. That really wasn't a suggestion, Penny."

Grabbing my hand, Pan flickered his other wrist.

Instantly, we were surrounded by a choking cloud of green mist.

Cold mist, colder than ice, burning wherever it touched my skin.

Which was everywhere.

I coughed as the mist swirled away, revealing that Pan and I were now on a moonlit beach.

"Hush now, Penny," Pan said, silencing my coughing by clamping a hand over my mouth.

We weren't alone on the beach.

There was a man, with his back to us.


	63. Chapter 63

Before Pan could say anything, before he could threaten me as he usually did, I pushed forward, crossing my arms confidently as I stared at the strange man.

"Show your face!" I demanded.

The man spun around, bowing deeply, a mocking smile on his face.

I gasped.

His skin wasn't skin.

It was scales, oily brown-green scales that gleamed in the moonlight.

His eyes were muddy colored. Not muddy brown, but muddy with uncertainty.

Muddy with darkness, a horrifying blend of every color that had smoothed out into a colorless but somehow dark color of its own.

A new color, made of the ashes of all the others.

Dark and swirling and chaotic.

This was undoubtedly the Dark One.

"Rumpelstiltskin," I breathed.

He laughed in a disconcertingly high-pitched voice.

"I see you already know who I am, dearie," he said lightly. "The question is, who are you?"

I raised my chin, putting on a mask of bravery.

"My name is Penny Pam," I said.


	64. Chapter 64

"Excellent," Rumpelstiltskin hissed. "Then you're exactly who I'm looking for."

He waved his hand nonchalantly, and suddenly I felt an unbearable pressure on my ribs.

I couldn't breathe.

Gasping futilely for air, I looked down at my ribs.

Vines.

Green vines, stretching from the nearby woods, wrapping chokingly around me.

I only had enough air for a few words.

Light-headed form the sudden loss of air, I clawed uselessly at the vines.

It made no difference.

So I resorted to using those few last words.

I used them in a plea.

The last person I would ever want to beg for help from.

"Peter," I whispered harshly, the words scraping like sand against my throat. "The dagger."


	65. Chapter 65

Who would have ever thought Peter Pan would be the one to save me?

He had done nothing but play terrible mind games.

Nothing but try to turn my heart as black as coal.

But now, Pan touched my cheek reassuringly as he passed, stepping in front of me to brandish the Dark One's dagger.

"Dark One, I command thee!" Pan roared. "Release the girl immediately."

But Rumpelstiltskin did nothing.

He just smiled knowingly.

A smirk, ever so reminiscent of Pan's.

And the vines only tightened around me.

"See, you taught me an important lesson, Father," Rumple said smugly. "Never make a cage you can't get out of."


	66. Chapter 66

"I have your dagger," Pan snarled, shooting an anxious glance at me.

The world was fuzzy, the light bouncing around in strange waves.

My lungs were on fire, but even that felt distant.

The moonlight was a dream.

The breeze was a hallucination, smoke and mirrors on my skin.

Silver, blue, and right where Pan was standing green.

Silver for the reflection of the ocean waves.

Blue for the velvet night sky.

Green for the trees in the jungle. And Pan.

All blurring together in an indistinct maze.

I didn't have much time left.

So I decided to concentrate on something. The voices. Talking, always talking. That was what people did. I did my best to listen.

"But you see, you really don't," Rumpelstiltskin contradicted in a cocky voice. "That one is a cleverly made fake. This one..."

He drew a long, silver dagger from his cloak, identical to the one Pan held.

"This is the real one," Rumpelstiltskin grinned wickedly. "Truly, Pan, I apologize for taking away your little toy," he glanced at me disdainfully. "But she is a threat to me. To my destiny. I can't risk leaving her here with the likes of you."


	67. Chapter 67

Suddenly, the vines released me.

I fell, spluttering, to the ground.

Colliding face first with painful, gritty sand. Scraping my mask of fearlessness raw. Ripping away everything I had pretended to be.

I couldn't seem to catch my breath.

Red and purple lights dotted my vision. I wanted to ask Pan if he could see them too, but my voice was broken.

And somehow I knew it was only me that could see them.

I was helpless as Rumpelstiltskin grabbed my arm, just as he cast a small translucent object onto the ground.

An object that sparkled in the moonlight for a moment before dissolving into the sand.

I stared at the ground, trying to discern where it had vanished to.

But it hadn't vanished. It had merely transformed.

Transformed into a swirling whirlpool of green magic, a tornado in the ground that sent gusts of wind spiraling all around, roaring like a freight train.

"Penny!" I heard Pan's cry.

I felt a tug on my arm, just as Rumpelstiltskin leapt into the portal, trying to drag me with him. I was stuck, stuck between two worlds.

Rumpelstiltskin was pulling me down, down into the unknown portal, but Pan held fast to my arm. Slowly, inch by inch, I was slipping out of Pan's grip.

The Dark One's portal was too strong. Pan knew it even as I realized it.

He stared at me, blue-gray eyes swirling like hurricanes.

His jaw tightened as he stared down at me.

"Defeat him," Pan said darkly. "Listen to me, Penny. It may seem like giving into the darkness, but you have to trust me. If you don't defeat him, he will kill you."

Before I could reply, Pan released my hand.

And I fell into the portal, dragged down by the Dark One.

The man who would kill me if I did not kill him first.

And, for the first time, I found myself wishing I were in Neverland.

With Peter Pan.


	68. Chapter 68

All alone.

No friends.

No allies.

Just him.

The Dark One.

He was going to kill me unless I killed him.

But then I would be giving into the darkness.

For a moment I was falling, falling, falling.

Gusts of wind spiraled around me in a never-ending paradox.

But then what seemed never-ending ended.

The momentum of the portal sent me flying though the air, wintry winds trailing though the gaps between my fingers. Air that tasted like pine and smelled of fire.

Then came the crash.

Straight into the earth, jarringly slamming into frozen mud.

I shrieked as my leg twisted to the side, bending unnaturally.

Spitting snowflakes and dirt from my mouth, I raised my head.

Only to see a pair of boots in front on my face.

"Sorry, dearie, but I cannot let you live," Rumpelstiltskin said, sounding almost regretful.

That was when I made my choice.

As evil and selfish as it was, I was not ready to die.

I was too young to die. I couldn't die with all my dreams still unfulfilled, hanging tauntingly just out of reach like broken promises.

I would kill the Dark One.

Or at least I would try.


	69. Chapter 69

I staggered to my feet.

I gritted my teeth against the searing pain in my leg.

Because no one was coming to save me now.

"And I cannot afford to let you live, _dearie_," I mocked Rumpelstiltskin.

He was not offended.

He just smiled wider.

"I see my father has already gotten inside that pretty little head," Rumpelstiltskin hissed.

His father.

Who was his father?

His father had gotten inside my head... did he mean to say his father was Peter Pan?

"Your father is Peter Pan?" I blinked in surprise.

I had to keep Rumpelstiltskin talking until l I figured out a plan.

A plan to get his dagger.

"The one and only," he replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Who's the mother?" I asked.

I did not actually care.

But I needed to buy myself time.

The only reason the Dark One had not already killed me was because he liked to put on a show.

So the show must go on.

"Funny you should ask," Rumpelstilskin said. "Because it's you."


	70. Chapter 70

Me.

Rumpelstilskin said I was his mother.

His mother.

"You are completely mad," I told him shakily. "Were you aware of that?"

Rumpelstiltskin giggled.

"The only mad one here is you," he pointed a crooked finger at me. "It was many years ago, at least a century, that you first went mad."

"I am not a century old," I protested.

"Well, no, of course not," Rumpelstiltskin agreed. "Not in this form, anyway. But this isn't your original form, dearie. Once upon a time, you were another girl, with the name of Penny Pam. The same name you have now. You fell in love with a boy named Malcolm, and the two of you got married. It was like true love."

Rumpelstiltskin paused, staring at me with amusement.

"But not quite true love," he contradicted. "Just as the two of you were expecting your first child, Malcolm began to crave freedom. Escape from the life of a father, a life he had never wanted. And in his dreams, Malcolm discovered a wonderful world. A world he called Neverland. Malcolm wanted to flee there with you, but you were always the sane one. You convinced him to stay, to raise the child. But when you died in childbirth... it sent him over the edge. I was that child. The child he never wanted. And finally, he grew tired of me. He went to Neverland as was always his plan, abandoning me. Then he took the name Peter Pan, naming himself after you, the only person he had ever loved."

"Even is what you are saying is true," I stared at him with my mouth hanging slightly open. "I'm alive now. I couldn't have died in childbirth."

"Oh, that's where it gets interesting," Rumpelstiltskin cackled. "Malcolm- or Peter Pan, if you prefer- never gave up on you. He searched every land for magic that could bring back the dead. Then finally, he made a deal with me. I created you using my magic. You are pure magic, dearie. But Pan agreed to let you transform back into my magic on your twentieth birthday. That wasn't what he wanted, so he made another deal, a deal with the adults who took you in. He warned them of me and told them to give you to him on your eighteenth birthday."

"And they listened," I whispered, feeling the sensation of hot tears brimming in my eyes.

"Yes. They listened," Rumpelstiltskin said. "Now, I'm sorry, dear Mother, but I must return you to magic. I must kill you, or I will never be as powerful as I once was."

I just stared at him.

Disbelief etched in my eyes.

And also pain.

Because Pan had made me drink Neverland's water, and I had left Neverland.

If I didn't do something quickly, I would die.


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N: Shout-out to Lady of the Witty and musicxnotes3! You guys rock!**

_Meanwhile, back in Neverland_

One last bolt of supernatural light exploded from the portal, and then the gateway vanished with a sound like the crash of thunder.

Exhaling slowly, Pan closed his eyes, letting the fake mask of worry on his face slide into a more natural expression, a smug smirk that radiated satisfaction.

He hadn't originally planned to send Penny to fight against the Dark One, but it was too great of an opportunity to miss.

Pan was confident that Penny had spent enough time on his island to become part of the darkness.

The shadows here were living things.

They twisted your mind.

They whispered lies to the gullible ears of your soul.

And Pan knew that Penny would kill Rumpelstiltskin in order to save herself, because otherwise she would be killed by either Neverland's water coursing in her veins or at the hands of Rumpelstiltskin himself.

Then he would have his Dark One. He would have his true love, the only one he had ever loved, the one he had lost a century ago only to resurrect her with the help of the Dark One a mere eighteen years ago.

Things were proceeding exactly as he had planned.

That was when Pan heard a shout, a desperate, heartbroken cry from the direction of the Lost Boys' camp.

"Penny!" Felix yelled, his voice drenched with pain beyond measure.

Pan narrowed his eyes.

Time to play.


	72. Chapter 72

Felix raced towards the beach, ignoring the branches that stung his face, lacing his cheeks with thin crimson lines.

Ignoring the thorns that seemed to tug at his feet.

He knew that sound, the sound of a portal.

He knew it all too well.

But by the time he got to the beach, it was far too late.

The air was deathly quiet, like the strange calm after a storm.

A silence that was so ludicrously peaceful, it wasn't peaceful at all.

It was the tense sort of silence where one loud breath could break the spell of quiet, bringing the storm back all over again.

A wavering silence, an unsure silence, a wary silence that warned of danger.

The sort of silence Felix had always been afraid to break.

He sank to his knees, barely holding back tears. Felix had lost her again. He had found her, but he had been too cowardly to tell her the truth.

And so he had lost her.

But there was another person on the beach, one who was not afraid to speak directly into the quiet, hesitant air.

"Well, well, well. It seems that you have grown emotionally attached to our visitor, Felix," Pan said, crossing his arms nonchalantly.

Felix slowly looked up, his eyes cold even as they welled with tears held back only by an infinite amount of willpower.

"She was never a visitor," Felix said hollowly. "Not to you. Not to me. You know that, Pan."

"Don't claim to know her," Pan warned, stalking closer, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"But I know everything about her. More than you," Felix countered without a trace of defiance in his voice. "You say that Penny is yours, Pan, but you forget. Before she was yours, she was mine. And part of her always will be."

Felix didn't even see Pan move.

All he knew was the burning slice of agony, scarlet blood clouding his vision, and falling backwards onto the hard sand. Ragged, choking gasps filled the air, and Felix realized that was him. Pressing his palms against his face in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding, Felix howled in pain.

It was beyond anything he had ever felt.

But Pan savored his suffering.

He bent down next to Felix, admiring his handiwork.

A long slash ran across the side of Felix's face, just to the left of his nose. Just to the right of his eyes. Blood oozed from it lazily, spreading across Felix's narrow face like poison as Felix glared spitefully at Pan.

"I never want to hear you mention what happened a century ago. Ever. Again," Pan said calmly. "Do I make myself clear?"

Felix let out another howl of agony, rocking backwards as he clutched his new wound, a mark that would surely become a scar.

Pan seemed to consider that a satisfactory response.

"Good," Pan replied cheerfully.

He walked away, a new spring in his step.

Felix stared after him with gritted teeth.

Felix would find away to cross realms. He had to.

He had to for Penny.


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N: So this chapter is shameless fluff. Hope you like it! :)**

**flashback **

**A century ago, in the Enchanted Forest **

Vague sunlight painted warm stripes across my face, prodding me gently awake.

Blinking sleepily, I tilted my head back, basking in the lenient glow of the morning sun.

"Penny!" a jubilant shout jarred me from my drowsy thoughts that always accompanied that warm, golden place in between sleep and consciousness.

Groaning at the intrusion, I rolled over on my bed, burying my face in my pillow.

Swift footsteps pounded the sun baked earth outside of my one-room cottage, growing louder as the person who thought it wise to wake me before noon drew closer.

The footsteps stopped right outside my door, and as they stilled I made out the distinct sound of the harsh rasps of quick breaths.

"Penny," he growled this time.

Yes, it was him.

Of course it was him.

"Go away," I mumbled, beating my pillow with a fist in frustration.

He laughed merrily, then threw the door open. It was a flimsy thing, and it shuddered at his abrupt motion, flinging itself ungracefully into the adjacent wall.

Obviously, I ignored him.

Until he decided that he didn't want to be ignored.

Smirking mischievously, he jumped on top of me, holding me down as he tickled my sides. Snarling at him in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter, I slapped at his hands until he finally stopped his infamous tickle torture. We both lay still, him still hovering over me, looking down at me with sparkling eyes.

"Get out," I sulked, shoving strands of hair out of my eyes.

"But Pennyyyy," he protested, dragging out the 'y' obnoxiously. "You can't be late for your first day of magic lessons."

"Come on, you're my teacher," I replied bitingly. "Why don't you actually let me sleep in for once?"

"Well, we could just stay in bed all day. Just the two of us," he grinned slyly.

I scowled at him fiercely.

"Fine, I'm getting up," I moaned reluctantly. "Get off."

"As my princess commands," he replied, rolling off of me and springing to his feet in one fluid motion.

I rolled my eyes as he offered me a hand to help me up, but took it anyway, dragging myself to my feet.

"Whatever. Let's go," I said crossly, releasing his hand with a distasteful look.

"That's the spirit, love," he responded brightly. Pulling me closer, he cupped my face gently in his hands, his lips brushing mine in a soft, sweet kiss.

Blinking in surprise, I pulled back,, shoving him away.

"Don't ever do that again, Felix!" I yelled.

Felix grinned at me.

"I won't. Unless you ask me to," he promised.

"Like that will ever happen," I snapped, stomping out of the hut.

"Just wait and see," Felix called after me.

As soon as I was outside, I finally let a small smile creep across my lips. I reached up to finger my mouth, making sure Felix wasn't watching.

I would never tell him, but actually... I had liked it.

But if he ever found out, I would die.

Or at least, my pride would die. And what was the difference, really?


	74. Chapter 74

**flashback **

**A century ago, in the Enchanted Forest **

Though the day had begun warm, a chill breeze rose from the valley below, rising up the hills like a rolling mist, slowly sweeping towards our town.

The wind rustled the dry stalks of wheat, sending an eerie ripple across miles of land.

Shooting me an indecipherable look, Felix grabbed my hand tightly, pulling me towards the town square.

I went along without protest, my thoughts whirling with confusion.

From everywhere in town, people were filing towards the town square, their faces grim and cast with the shadows of the clouds that had spread without warning over the sky.

Blotting out the sun with dreary haze.

"Felix, where are we going?" I asked as he dragged me along. "I thought we were having magic lessons today."

Suddenly, Felix stopped, sending me stumbling forward, caught only by his iron grip on my wrist.

When I regained my balance and looked back, Felix's eyes were cold with fury.

"I know I've trained you for the past four months, but you must act as though you are completely ordinary. Do not mention magic," he growled. "Ever. Again."

"What is going on?" I demanded, my eyes flashing.

Felix turned away, but I could see the pain on his face as he resumed his forced march towards the town square.

"There's a new person in town," Felix said hurriedly, glancing around. "No one knows his name, but they call him the Pied Piper."

"Yeah? And?" I raised an eyebrow.

"He has ordered everyone in the town to gather today," Felix continued.

"Why? And why would everyone in the town listen to him?" I queried.

"Because," Felix said stonily."He has powerful dark magic. And he is checking the town for anyone else with magic."

"But why?" I repeated.

"I don't know," Felix replied gravely. "But it can't be anything good. Whatever you do, hide your magic, Penny. Remember the spell I taught you to hide it."

And I could not let the Pied Piper know.

Because if he found out that I had powers... well, no one really knew what would happen.

And in a way, that was much more frightening than knowing.

Because once he did find people with magic, they were never seen again.

Never.


	75. Chapter 75

**present day **

**The Enchanted Forest **

Ignoring the screaming pain in my leg and the fire of Neverland's water scorching my veins, I shot to my feet, springing backwards and absorbing the shock by rocking back slightly on the heels of my feet.

Rumpelstiltskin blinked in surprise, but merely widened his rotten-toothed smile.

Brandishing both hands in front of me, palms out, I stepped forwards.

"I am warning you," I threatened weakly, my voice shaking. "I do not want to hurt you."

"_You_ hurt _me_?" Rumpelstiltskin laughed heartily. Try reversing that, dearie."

I bit my lip, channeling my concentration.

Feeling for the glow of magic inside me as I ignored the Dark One's words.

Closing my eyes briefly, I felt something stir inside me.

It was warm and powerful, a flame in the darkness, and I whispered softly to the small spark, urging it to grow.

And grow it did.

The tiny spark kindled easily, morphing into a roaring bonfire of magic.

A prickly rush of warmth surging through my blood, I inhaled sharply.

My eyes snapped open, and my hands began to blaze with silvery light, forming a protective sphere that encased me completely.

Light magic protecting me from dark magic.

Rumpelstiltskin stared at me in shock, and I gave him a triumphant smirk.

I could not resist a sarcastic comment.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to talk back to your mother?" I snickered.

I flicked my wrist, willing for Rumpelstiltskin's dagger to fly out of his hand into mine.

His powers were strong, and for a moment the dagger wiggled back and forth uselessly, caught between us as we both struggled for it with our magic.

But eventually, I felt his magic weaken.

Letting a thin stream of air hiss between my teeth in relief, I finally felt the dagger slide into my grip.

It was cold metal, reassuring against my fingers.

Solid.

Sweeping my hand in a massive gesture, I knocked out the Dark One's feet from underneath him, catching him utterly by surprise at he gaped at the dagger in my hands.

Then I raised the dagger above my head, readying myself for the kill.

Because there was no other way for me to live.

Not with the water of Neverland in my soul.


	76. Chapter 76

_Meanwhile, in Neverland_

Murmuring hasty words, Felix waved a hand over his face.

The long laceration wasn't healed- it probably never would heal completely- but at least now the blood had stopped flowing down his cheeks.

Felix licked his lips anxiously, scowling at the metallic taste of blood.

Slowly rising to his feet, Felix strode towards the ocean.

He had a plan, even if it was far-fetched.

"I need the help of Neverland," he whispered to the dark water, letting the salty breeze whisk his words away, trailing them across the lapping waves.

There was a rushing of air, a sudden coldness to the air, and Pan's shadow appeared in front of Felix.

"My help is not yours to call upon," it growled, staring at him with menacing eyes.

Felix stared it down coldly.

"No," he said bitingly. "But the Queen of Neverland requires your aid."

The shadow swirled a ghoulish hand in the air absentmindedly, drifting slightly to the side as a teenager might lean.

As Pan might lean.

"The Queen of Neverland has been dead for a century," the shadow replied.

"That's not entirely true," Felix grinned crookedly. "Penny Pam is very much alive, just not in the form that you knew her."


	77. Chapter 77

Just as I brought the dagger down towards Rumpelstiltskin's chest, an explosion of light flashed in the corner of my eye.

Though the light made me hesitate for a mere moment, that moment was enough. I wavered, looking over my shoulder for the source of the light.

Then a great weight slammed into my back, sending me sprawling to the ground, the dagger skittering out of my grip and across the ground.

The air rushed out of me in one giant flood, and I lay helplessly, pressed face-down in the dirt as I struggled to regain my breath.

Wild winds buffeted me, tugging at my hair and ripping through the air. I heard an insane giggle followed by a sickening growl of hatred.

When I finally recovered enough to turn over, the gales had already faded away, the mysterious light subsided.

That was when I realized.

It must have been a portal.

Rumpelstiltskin was once again on his feet, a look of wicked amusement in his eyes.

And there was a boy in front of him.

The boy was holding the Dark One's dagger.

Then he looked back at me over his shoulder, and I saw it was Felix.

"Don't," I begged, my voice harsh. "Felix, if you kill him you'll become the Dark One."

And I would die.

But I pleaded for Felix to stop for his sake, not for mine.

He stared at me with an emotion I could not quite place hidden in his gray eyes.

"Better than you becoming the Dark One," Felix replied hollowly.

He drew back the dagger, preparing to strike, and a feeling of unbelievable terror raced through me.

Watching this horror unfold, I knew that I could not let Felix become the Dark One.

I did not know why, but I couldn't bear for that to happen to him.

Just as Felix plunged the dagger towards Rumpelstiltskin, I moved.

I skidded in the dirt, frantically propelling myself forward.

I feared that I was too late, but in the end I was right on time.

The dagger entered my heart, sparing Rumpelstiltskin and dealing me a fatal blow.

"No!" Felix yelled in anguish.

I looked down at the dagger still embedded in my chest, then up at Felix, my eyes soft and sad.

Felix caught me as I fell to my knees, wrapping his arms around me and cradling my head in his lap.

"Sorry," I coughed weakly, spluttering out the words. "I had to."

"I know," Felix replied, his words more gentle than I had ever heard.

"Please," I rasped, wrapping my fingers around the hilt of the dagger. "It's the only way."

Felix glanced at me in horror, hesitating.

"You want me to help you..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "I thought you were full of light magic, but Pan has turned you dark, Penny."

"He didn't," I corrected. "I always was dark. He just showed me. Now please... help me."

Nodding determinedly, pain etched onto his face, Felix wrapped his fingers around mine, so we were both holding onto the icy handle of the dagger.

With a snarl, Felix lashed out at Rumpelstiltskin's legs, causing him to fall to his knees, weak as he already was from my attack on his magic.

"Together," Felix said.

"Together," I echoed.


	78. Chapter 78

**Flashback **

**a century ago, in the Enchanted Forest **

The Pied Piper paced in front of us townspeople.

I was dying on the inside.

His eyes were sharp, pointed flint to be avoided at all costs.

No one wanted his attention.

Least of all me.

He was, after all, searching for magic.

There was grave danger lurking here, haunting me with whispered words.

But even though I kept my head down and my hood up, the Pied Piper stopped in front of me.

He reached out, lightly flicking back my hood.

I stared at my feet, panic making my breath hitch.

The Pied Piper reached out, tilting my chin up with his icy fingers.

Forcing me to meet his gaze.

I blinked at him slowly, cautiously, and he gave me a charming smile that chilled my blood.

"Now why would a pretty girl like you hide her face under a hood?" he asked.

I shivered, casting a sideways glance at Felix.

Felix's face was carefully expressionless, guarded.

He would not look at me, so I bit my lip and let my gaze wander back to the Pied Piper.

"Why would a boy order the entire town to this place?" I countered, enable to curb my tongue.

I winced at my lack of tact, but the Pied Piper's grin only grew.

It was a smile that did not reach his frozen eyes.

"Come with me," He said cajolingly. "I can sense the magic in you, though you have tried to hide it. I am in need of... an apprentice, one might say."

As he spoke, his eyes flicked over to Felix.

As though he could sense that Felix had magic as well.

But I would not let him take Felix.

"Fine," I consented. "I will come with you."

And I was too frightened to protest.

I took the Pied Piper's hand, traveled with him on his every adventure.

I learned magic from him, became his apprentice.

In a way, he was my new Felix. But he could never replace Felix entirely, and he knew it.

The Pied Piper could never be Felix.

It drove him to the brink of insanity every time I pulled away from him.

Because whenever the Pied Piper- or Malcolm, as he was really named- kissed me, all I could see was Felix.

And the guilt bubbled inside me.

Malcolm wanted to insure that I never saw Felix again.

So he hid Felix from me, holding me prisoner when I attempted to find him. Refusing to even let me see Felix through a crystal ball.

After much pleading, I convinced him to preserve Felix's youth.

Malcolm cast a spell so he would not age.

Though I demanded to see him, Malcolm denied me that. He was too afraid that if he let me go, I would never come back.

And that day in the town square was the last time I saw Felix in that life.

I never did get a straight answer of why Malcolm was searching for a user of magic that day.

After all, I knew from the beginning that he did not really need an apprentice.

His magic was too powerful for him to need such a thing.

But I figured it out.

He was looking for companionship.

Because everyone, no matter how hardened or cruel, needs someone.

Someone to love.

Someone to love them.

And though I would always love Felix, it was not the same as how I loved Pan.

I was the only person who could claim to know his heart.

To love him.

I was the only Queen of Neverland.

But although we visited that timeless island together many times, I knew we could never stay in Neverland.

Malcolm did not know that.

He dreamed too hard, threw himself towards shooting stars with too much passion.

And so the King and Queen of Neverland were split apart.

And then there was only a King, consumed by darkness.

As the Queen ventured into the realm of death.

And the King swore to get her back.

He never broke promises.


	79. Chapter 79

**present day **

**The Enchanted Forest**

Then I screamed.

Drawing the Dark One's dagger out of my own heart seared my soul, sending excruciating fire into my mind. I was gibbering nonsense words, begging for the pain to stop. Weaving in and out of consciousness, I felt Felix's fingers tighten around my own.

Shadows flickered at the edges of my vision, and I could hear their voices whispering to me.

It would turn me dark.

But I was already dark.

The world blurred before my eyes, filling my lungs with the heady scent of fear and desperation.

And beneath it all, I could hear a haunting, gliding note that echoed the nightmares that plagued me.

A note that sang the song of darkness.

_Tick tock. Goes the clock. Time will wash you away. Even if you fly. Wingless to Neverland. Destiny of the sweetest poison. Away to Neverland. To darkness, bring moonlight. A candlelight clear, flicker in the darkness. To burn the darkness or to cast the shadows. _

The music was all I could hear as my life ebbed away.

_Tick tock. _

I was dying.

_Goes the clock. _

I had no time left.

_Time will wash you away._

I was a bird that could not fly, could not escape its destiny.

_Even if you fly wingless to Neverland._

The poison was bubbling in my veins, in my mind, every ominous word Pan had ever spoken echoing in my ears.

_Destiny of the sweetest poison. _

But I could not escape my fate.

_Away to Neverland._

And there was no light left in my soul. Vaguely, I noticed the mark on my arm. It was utterly black, like coal and ash.

_To darkness, bring moonlight._

There was no moonlight left. No flame of light to carry aloft. The darkness was swallowing me.

_A candlelight clear, flicker in the darkness._

But no. I could not fight it. There was darkness in my heart, sown there by my bitter past, festering as the hearts around me grew more corrupt, taking control of my soul as Pan whispered truthful lies to me.

_To burn the darkness._

But there was no destroying the darkness, not escaping it. I was lost in it, just as Pan had told me. Just as he was. Because we were the same, Pan and I.

_Or to cast the shadows._

I was darkness. Darkness was me.

All I could hear was the music that bound sorrow to my soul.

Then I heard the sickening thud as together Felix and I drove the Dark One's dagger into Rumpelstiltskin's heart.

And a rush of addicting power flooded into me.

I was dark.

Pan had won.

Maybe he had been winning all along.

But I was alive.

And I was more powerful then I had ever been before.

And I was dark.

**A/N: I'm honestly not sure where to go after this. Do you guys want this to be the end? Do you want me to continue this story? Or do you want me to write another story, which will be the sequel to this one? Tell me what you think pleeeeeeease. :)**


	80. Chapter 80

**Please read this author's note! **

**So this is the end of "Into This Icy Night". **

**However, I will be writing a sequel called "Into This Dark Day". **

**In the sequel, Penny will be the new Dark One. **

**So thanks for reading, love you all, and hopefully I'll see you at "Into This Dark Day." **

**Sincerely, **

**Callie **


End file.
